Annie Murphy

Annie Murphy Follow

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

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"I INSIST ON THE BEST!"
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"Ook, here you are ma'am! Two goofy-looking nude people getting blasted in the junk by seven entirely different jets of water!"
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"Thank you."
Nutella Employee: Are you sure you want to do this, C? Personalizing a jar of Nutella is a pretty serious step. Wall might get pissed...
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Ceiling: ....Do it.
Death position cuteness goals.
When our house burned down in 2011, one of the biggest heartbreaks was losing a signed picture of Michael Jackson that @mennovers got when he was 8. Yesterday, my freakishly talented best bud @jasonbartell presented us with this DRAWING he did of the only picture I had of the original and I'm still like this: 😵. Shamone.
Boyfriendz 4 lyfe six years and a day ago.
I HAVE AN IDEA LET'S MAKE SMART THINGS STUPID IT'S GONNA BE GREAT
I mean...it will be a little messy but okay.
And I just saw a man cover his two kids in sneeze.
Tucked in tight with a bunch of middle-aged stoners who are all going to try swinging tonight. #tompetty
Idiot brother-in-law trying to nosh a 'za that isn't even real!!! It's made of toxic materials!!! WHAT A LOSER 😂!
Hair kween @ana_sorys cuts off local ma'am's gnarled dead dog hair. Eats nuts.
*ring ring*
"Yes, hello?"
*head falls off*