k adamson | still i stand

k adamson | still i stand Follow

Infertile twin mom to DEIVF boys, sharing life before, during & after ovarian failure, donor egg IVF, miscarriage & trauma.
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My story:

http://www.kristenadamson.com/

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Put your hand up if you've ever celebrated the thickness of your endometrial lining? 🙋‍♀️
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Fertility treatment certainly taught me to celebrate the little things in life!
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There were SOOOO many hurdles to clear, so why NOT cheer when you pass each and every single one, right? 🍾🥂
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#ivf #ivfjourney #ivfsuccess #ivfprocess #ivfcommunity #ivfsisters #ivfsisterhood #celebratethesmallthings #ivfsupport #ivfstrongertogether #ivfsurvivor #ultrasound #liningcheck #readyfortransfer #ivfultrasound #infertility
Ok guys, we need advice! 😬📣
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Had experience flying with a baby👶? Had experience flying with two👶👶? Know somebody...anybody, who has!? (Tag all the twin parents in the world, please!!)
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We've got an 8-9 hour flight ✈ ahead of us soon with our twin boys, who will be nearly 9 months old by then. Hubby and I need tips, tricks...anything!
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Hit me. 👀
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The airline told us that the boys won't qualify for bassinets/cots due to their mobility by then (😤 I'm still looking into this), so this means we will each be holding a baby the entire flight.
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Give me all your secrets!
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We also need advice on helping them to adapt to a 5 hour time difference 🕟 (behind).
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Please also tag me in your fav baby carrier brand! We plan to purchase two super mega awesome, supportive ones that we can wear during the flight.
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Thanks in advance 🙏
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#twins #twinparents #twinning #flyingwithtwins #flyingwithbabies #flyingwithbaby #twinsofinstagram #travellingwithtwins #twinbabies #twinboys #twinparents #flyingwithkids #survivingtwins #twinmom #twinmum #twinsonaplane #firsttimeflyingwithababy #firsttimeflyingwithtwobabies
"It will happen for you one day..."
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I remember getting comments like these when I was smack dab in the thick of my lowest points.
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I'd be having a particularily rough grieving day--probably because something triggered my saddness--and someone who clearly had never faced infertility themselves would try to console me.
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"Your time will come, just wait"
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I always tried my absolute best to appreciate the intent of their message...
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They meant well. They wanted to make me feel better. They were being kind.
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But the truth is, I was screaming inside.
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HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? PLEASE DONT GET MY HOPES UP! DO YOU REALISE WHAT IT WILL ACTUALLY TAKE? IT'S REALLY NOT THAT SIMPLE! ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR IT ALL THEN?
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...and so on and so forth.
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Don't get me wrong, I always nodded my head and smiled, but the truth of the matter is, their words weren't helpful.
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Sometimes, I look back on myself--with supposed rose coloured glasses, now that I have my miracle babies--and, I wonder if I was being ridiculous.
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But what I always seem to conclude is that I wasn't...my feelings were valid.
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The truth is, no matter what you're feeling in your own journey, be that that anger, annoyance, jealousy or sadness, it IS valid.
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You're 100% allowed to feel that way.
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Just remember that those around you aren't trying to upset you, they simply don't know what to say, so they say what they think you want to hear.
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Appreciate the intent of their words and know that they come from a good place, but then allow yourself to unravel to someone who will just listen.
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This is something I know I didn't do enough of, but something I wish I had.
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Sometimes you just gotta let it all out...
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#infertility #infertilitysucks #infertilityhurts #ivfcommunity #ivfsisters #deivf #fertility #fertilitytreatment #donoreggivf #infertilitycommunity #donorconception #ivf #ivfjourney #ivfcommunity
#ttc #ttccommunity #ttcsisters #tryingtoconceive #infertile #prematureovarianinsufficiency #prematureovarianfailure
11 years ago today, at 6pm in Toronto, I was hit by a car while walking across the street.
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It was a hit and run.
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I flew approximately 10ft in the air and landed on my face.
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Today I am stronger, wiser, kinder, smarter and braver because of it.
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It was a very difficult journey--physically and mentally--but in a strange way, I am thankful to have experienced it.
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I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for it.
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#accident #hitbyacar #hitandrun #recovery #triumph #stronger #wiser #braver #mva #motorvehicleaccident #pedestrianawareness #pedestriansafety #lifechanging experience #neardeathexperience #overcome
#overcomingadversity #overcoming
Delighted to hear @michelleobama is speaking out about her miscarriage and IVF experiences 👏.
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This is exactly what we need! More conversations around these difficult topics.
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#miscarriageawareness #ivf #ivfjourney #miscarriagesurvivor #miscarriage #ivfcommunity #ivfsisters #deivf #fertility #fertilitytreatment #infertility #infertilitysucks #infertilityhurts #miscarriagesupport
47,XX,+mar...what on earth is that?
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That, is my karyotype.
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A karyotype is basically a representation of the chromosomes inside of a cell.
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A normal female karyotype is 46, XX. A normal male karyotype is 46, XY.
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So, as you can see, my karyotype is not normal. I carry 47 chromosomes, instead of 46, and I have this weird additional 'note' on the end, which states +mar.
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Basically, what this means, is that I have small supernumerary marker chromosomes (sSMC). Only about 2.7 million people in the world carry an sSMC.
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This was discovered when they were trying to determine the cause of my premature ovarian failure.
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So far, I've been told that I inherited it from my father, it's shaped like a ring, and it's unrelated to my POF.
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Apparently, this extra chromosome is, what they call, genetic junk material...but more recently, they're considering that it could, in fact, be related to my POF.
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Apparently, genetic junk material may have more of an impact of the body than science once believed (roughly 10 years ago, when it was first found).
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So with that comes more tests and investigation.
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Hopefully, at the end of it all, I'll have a few more answers about how it has--and may continue to--impact my body and health.
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#geneticdisorder #genetics #karyotype #abnormal #ssmc #smallsupernumerarymarkerchromosomes #genetic #genetictesting #prematureovarianinsufficiency
#prematureovarianfailure #genes  #infertility #infertilityhurts
Somewhere in between the spit up, poop, feeds, naps and screams, I find time for a coffee.
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Surely this is why play pens were invented...no?
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#coffee #doubletrouble #playpen #coffeetime #momdeservesatreat #twins #twinlife #babyentertainment #babies #coffeemom #lattesandbabies #twinboys #twinning #latte #momlife #mumlife #boysgonewild #twinbrothers #ivftwins
There are 2 things I envy about those who get to raise 1 baby at a time.
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The first one is being able to spend your time and energy on comforting your little one when they're upset.
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I've really struggled with the heartbreak I feel when both are absolutely losing it and I have to, essentially, pick one to hold. (This happens more than you'd think because they trigger each other)
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It's a horrible feeling.
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You pick up the one who is seemingly more upset than the other, and then the other one gets even more upset because he wasn't picked.
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I cannot put into words how gut wrenching it is.
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Then, of course, you comfort that one in your arms as quickly as possible--usually rushing it--so you can put him down and grab the other.
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...but then the first one starts losing it again because he only JUST calmed down and you 'abandoned' him again.
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I knew this was going to be a challenge, but I honestly didn't know just how hard it would truly be.
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Of course, on the weekends, I've got my husband's help, but Monday to Friday I'm essentially on my own with them from the moment they wake to the moment they go to bed (unless hubby gets home early).
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The other thing I envy about singleton parents, is getting time to just sit and hold your little one.
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I rarely get time to hold each of the boys.
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When I do, the other ends up kicking off or getting into something he shouldn't.
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This almost always cuts holding time short.
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At home, I try holding them together sometimes, but when I'm out and about, I always need a spare hand.
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I often look at parents with one baby and wish I could always be holding my boys like they are with their little one.
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Even with another young child, parents can still hold their baby in their arms most of the time, developing that bond.
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These really are the two hardest parts about being a twin parent (when alone).
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Of course, I wouldn't change what I have for the world, but these are two things I don't think I REALLY prepared myself for...
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#twins #twinproblems #twinboys #twinbabies #ivftwins #instatwins #twinmum #twinmom #twinlife #twinbrothers #twinsofinstagram
This is the first time I laid eyes on Kai & Mason.
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Transfer day...
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That's a picture of them as embryos, up on the screen.
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There are so many emotions in that room when you're going through a transfer.
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I was excited, nervous, a little bit scared, worried something might go wrong, hopeful and slightly embarrassed--three different people had a direct, eye-level view of my lady bits at this very moment.
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Not long after this picture was taken, the Doctor inserted the catheter and began transferring the embryos from the catheter into my uterus...
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JUST as she was doing this, my husband said something to make me laugh.
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I don't remember what it was, but I remember that it was hilarious--we both get a bit funny in intense situations.
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"Don't laugh!" my Doctor snapped abruptly, worried I'd screw up the delicate transfer procedure (rightfully so).
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It took EVERYTHING in me to quickly regain my composure.
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I wanted so badly to glare at Darren with evils, but I just couldn't look at him or I'd start laughing again.
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Looking back, I suppose that, in a way, Kai & Mason started out their journey with us as their parents, exactly as I want them to live their lives...full of laughter.
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It may have been an intense, emotional experience, but it was also one of the greatest experiences...one that has continued to bring me more joy and laughter then I could have ever imagined.
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#laughter #ivftransfer #embryos #embabies #embryotwins #twinembryos #transferday #ivftransferday #laugh #joy #ivfsuccess #pupo #reminiscing #tb #ivf #ivfjourney #deivf
Messy babies are happy babies...or so this picture would make you believe 😂.
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Seconds before, they weren't both screaming at me to feed them faster or anything...🙄
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#messybabies #weaning #twins #twinboys #doubletrouble #solidfeeding
#messytwins #deivftwins #ivftwins #cheekybabies #twinproblems #twinbrothers #happybabies
Those around me tend to see my Premature Ovarian Failure as an infertility disorder.
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That's probably because infertility is one of the harder aspects of the disorder, but the truth is, POF affects more than just my ability to conceive.
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Premature Ovarian Failure is a relatively rare (1% fem pop) disorder whereby a woman's ovaries stop working before age 40. It's not the same as premature menopause, however, the symptoms tend to be the same, only worse.
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Because a women's ovaries produce estrogen, a woman with POF tends to have very low levels. This can directly impact the heart, as well as the bones.
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POF puts me at greater risk of anxiety, depression, dry eye syndrome, heart disease, hypothyroidism, osteoporosis, alzheimer's disease and, of course, infertility. It also means I have a shorter life expectancy.
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And because I have to take HRT significantly longer than the average woman does (who typically takes it after age 50), I also have a higher risk of cancer, stroke and VTE.
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But, unfortunately, it doesn't stop there.
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While POF can be idiopathic--which means they don't know the cause--it is most often caused by another issue. These issues can either be genetic or autoimmune, but it can also be caused by previous radiotherapy treatment.
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POF caused by a genetic or autoimmune disorder means that the individual is also likely to have a boatload of other symptoms and risk factors.
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In my case, my POF is currently deemed idiopathic, however I'm in the process of receiving further testing to determine if my generic disorder (small supernumerary marker chrosomones) is related to my POF, or if I have an autoimmune disorder that's caused it.
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At present, both seem plausible because my genetic disorder is rare and therefore misunderstood, and I have a family history of autoimmune diseases. Plus, an ANA test showed I have anti-nuclear antibodies in my blood, which is usually indicative of an autoimmune disorder.
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POF is more than just an infertility diagnosis, it's a life changing diagnosis. So, although I have my boys as a result of DEIVF, the problem isn't just fixed.
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Living with POF is my reality, and the reality of several others out there too.
Gotta say I'm diggin' this baby cleanser by Neal's Yard @nyr_official
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Not only does it smell great, but I swear Kai's eczema has calmed right down since switching to this from ordinary baby soap.
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I'm keeping a close eye on it, but so far so good!
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#nealsyard #nealsyardremedies #babysoap #babyproduct #babyproductreview #babyproducts #babies #babybath #babybathtime #cleanbaby #eczema #eczemababy #organicbaby #organicbodycare #organicbabycare #organic