Samantha

Samantha Follow

MN // 22
Probably outside.
Human being with thoughts and feelings and a slightly freckled face. All of which make appearances from time to time

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Cheers friends 🤙🏼
Life update: still love wildflowers more than most everything else 
#wildflowerswildheart
My eyelids are heavy and I’m kinda-sorta-absolutely exhausted but this weekend was so worth it. 
I’d much rather be outside than anywhere else; letting the wind knot my hair into oblivion and the sun kiss my skin feels like the sweetest kind of therapy.
“The sun is perfect and you woke up this morning. You have enough language in your mouth to be understood. You have a name, and someone wants to call it. Five fingers on your hand, and someone wants to hold it. If we just start there, everything, for a moment, is right in the world.”
About last night ...💫🖤
Minnesota’s working hard to make us forget that brutal winter. I think it’s working 💕
Truth be told I’m nervous to put these words out into the universe. Mostly because this is the place for highlight reels and cute happy hashtags & the judgement of others is a little scary. 
But I’ve been writing and writing and writing and this is the story that keeps finding its way onto the page. I’m really not sure why I feel so compelled to share this but here it is: 
My journey with mental health has no clear beginning or end, it’s simply a journey that I am on. 
It was 2012 when I was formally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and not much longer before I was also diagnosed with chronic depression. When I think back on the past 5+ years of my life, I can feel the heaviness and appreciate struggle. About two years ago my mental state really started to deteriorate; panic attacks became a regular thing and I was getting ready to walk away from this life. It was messy, heavy, and confusing. It is only these past few months, that I’m living in the light, that I can see just how heavy my life felt. Every breath felt like a chore, my eyes felt permanently glazed over, my mind felt helplessly tangled and dark. I often wondered if I was quite literally going insane.
It’s only because of that darkness that I can fully appreciate how fucking beautiful my life is. Sure, I still have bad days or weeks and I’m a little bit more emotional than most humans but I can finally breath deeply and think clearly. I no longer question my sanity & most days I feel at peace. I feel infinitely stronger in this season of life- I feel alive. 
I still struggle to find a balance in my life, between living every day to its fullest and pulling back to leave time for self-care and growth. I still have days where I feel anxious out of no where or I observe extremely intrusive thoughts but it’s a process. I’m finding ways to manage my mind and figuring out what works. I hope when you read this you can see I’m coming from a place of hope and happiness and not heaviness. And if you’re reading this and you’re in the trenches of your own mind just know that there is always light to be found-even when you didn’t think it could be so dark.
To all the people who are in love, out of love, or just simply existing as love:

Squeeze someone tight today and let them know that you think the way their eyes shine when they get excited is wonderful or that they way they dedicate themselves to creating their life is admirable or that their smile brings you to your knees or that their friendship means the world and then some. Just tell all those people in your life how much they mean. And when tomorrow comes-say it again 💕
Today I sat in the sun and pretended that it was spring time. A girl can dream, right?
I said I was busy 
Busy unpacking my baggage 
Busy reading books that set my soul on fire 
Busy working on my writing
Busy creating a life for myself
Please don’t take it personally
I’m simply busy stepping into my own light
Tomorrow marks the start of something new for me! Come April I’ll be running alongside some super wonderful friends & co-workers in a 10 mile race through the U of M campus. In the past 22 years of life I think I’ve run 3 miles as a maximum. So...I’ve got a little bit of work to do. 
Here’s to a new challenge & to all the learning I’m sure will happen over the next 2+ months 🙂
Summer of 2016 @mosephhh and I drove out west for one of the best weeks of my life (which is why half of my posts are related to Glacier). Just a few days before we start planning our next adventure and I can’t friggen wait 🇨🇦