Sam Avery - The Learner Parent

Sam Avery - The Learner Parent Follow

🎤 CURRENTLY ON TOUR ⬇️ Tickets ⬇️
👬 Twin dad to toddlers
☕️ Slave to the bean
📚 Bestselling author
💻 Award winning blogger

14,263 Followers  700 Follow

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‘Father, we have discovered compelling evidence to suggest that for the last three years you have been scoffing concealed confectionery every time you pretend to fill the dishwasher. Well, the jig’s up, fatty. Turn around, slowly, with your hands in the air and your mouth open.”
1. Manners
2. Respect
3. Putting your undies on the radiator is boss
🔥I have some exciting news…due to so many of you lovely lot buying tickets for the Learner Parent Tour they want to EXTEND it into next SUMMER! My lovely tour promoter @boundandgaggedcomedy are currently booking extra dates in so hopefully I can get to some of the places I couldn’t reach on the first leg. 😊

Thank you to everyone who’s bought tickets so far - you’ve made a lifelong dream come true.

Dates and tickets so far (with more TBA) via link in bio ⬆️ (p.s. I told my boys the good news last night and was gonna share their reaction with you but they couldn’t have given less of a fuck, although they were watching Paw Patrol at the time so I’m not sure what I expected tbh.)
New profile pic for my FB page so thought I’d stick in on here too. From a dead nice day in Chester Zoo last year. Innit amazing how zoos don’t smell so bad once you’ve got kids?
‘THE SECRET DIARY OF A 3 YEAR OLD’ (This week’s entry)
On the tough days it’s easy as a parent to go to bed feeling like you’ve not achieved anything. But tonight, when my head hits the pillow, I’ll know that today I helped build a toast house for a homeless dinosaur. 😁 🦕 🏠
My favourite hour of the week is taking the twins to their toddler dance class. Kids grooving to their own beat, parents stifling giggles whilst beaming with pride. Moments I’ll remember when I’m old.
I don’t know who did this so can’t credit them (but will if anyone knows?) but by crikey, whoever you are, I enjoy your work.
📖 THE SECRET DIARY OF A 2 YEAR OLD* *This post first appeared on my FB page a couple of years back.
The agony and the ecstasy. 🤪😩 Last night I played the Epstein Theatre in Liverpool on the Learner Parent tour. The biggest solo show I’ve ever done. It was unreal. 😊 
Then I went out with mates for a ‘few beers’ which smoothly transitioned into ‘lots of beers’ then seamlessly morphed into that horrible situation where everyone’s talking bollocks, it’s waaay too late to still be out but we’re all slurring illogical gibberish like, ‘Ahhh, don’t go home yet maaaate! We don’t get much these days…let’s drink ALL the beer!’ 🍻 
And then? 
Whiskey. 🥃 
Big mistake. ❌ 
This morning I felt like I’d been shat out of a buzzard’s arsehole. 💩 
I’ll be alright for the next show though. Promise. 
All dates and tickets via link in bio ⬆️